"Stop Victim Blaming"
Or why I never liked Lady Gaga, even before she wore her politics on her sleeve.
A long time ago on another social platform in the early days of social media, as online Karens and their unaccountability enablers were rising to their zenith but had not reached their loftiest heights, I fell into a discussion of the latest lady Gaga song. The details are fuzzy, but the memory that stands out was remarking that the latest song seemed OK, but I couldn’t deal with the song “Just Dance.”
I’ve had a little bit too much, much (Oh, oh, oh-oh)
All of the people start to rush (Start to rush by)
A dizzy twister dance, can’t find my drink or man
Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone (Oh, oh, oh-oh)
[Pre-Chorus: Lady Gaga & Akon]
What’s goin’ on, on the floor?
I love this record, baby, but I can’t see straight anymore (Woo)
Keep it cool, what’s the name of this club?
I can’t remember, but it’s alright, a-alright
I pointed out that it was the height of stupidity to celebrate:
being too drunk to remember where you are
being too drunk and lost to know where your friends are
or you have shitty friends
ditto losing your keys, your phone, etc.
In short, that it was a horrible example to glorify, irresponsible behavior, and not safe.
I was told I should stop “victim blaming.”
And I think to myself - if I get mugged in an alley, that is the muggers fault, but if I’ve been walking around all night flashing cash or counting it out in public showing large bills, in a nightclub or the part of town they’re likely to be, I’ve marked myself as a victim or someone worth mugging. The mugging may not be my responsibility, but that doesn’t excuse myself from putting myself in that position.
Predators go where the prey is. They prefer easy prey.
At the time I was still naive enough to think people could reasonably understand that point. The idea that a supposedly functional adult wanted a world free from the price of bad decisions, or at least to learn to minimize them, and would shame another for pointing it out as if the person noticing there were costs to their choices was at fault, hadn’t landed, even if I was no longer a teen. Also - the idea that people who were ever-concerned about getting raped, to the point of watching each other’s drinks for roofies and such, who would stick together and not leave a friend or their belongings behind, would then call applying that same sensibility to a song glorifying stupid behavior “victim blaming.”
I should have known, given the popularity of Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough.” Ditto Meredith Brooke’s “Bitch”. Yes, I had both albums. Liked them for some time. Ultimately, those songs caused me to stop listening to those singers.
I get it. Just Dance is a party song. It in part reflected an ideal of it being safe to just let go. I was also harshing the vibe. But there were a lot of party songs, dance tracks, eurodance, etc., that, while on deeper inspection often reveal broken relationships and life choices, were nowhere near as overtly glorifying stupidity in such detail in direct contravention to the very fears they’d turn around and look over their shoulders for at the very same clubs.
Hey, more clouds to yell at, I guess.